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May 21, 2008



Dear Ron,
I do not know you and yet your life experience echoes my own. I do not have any answers, I have realized I just have to keep following God's leading wherever that may go even if that leads me on the same path where I yet again have to learn the same harsh lessons again. Institutions, including churches and schools, are created for a purpose and their business is to keep themselves in business. People are sinful, falible, easily swayed to follow leadership that truly believes it is doing the best to serve the Kingdom. Above all is God, who I used to believe was supposed to keep me safe, protected, comfortable, that if He really loved me and I was serving Him faithfully that He should agree with my plans or at the very least reveal His plans for me. I spent a year and a half after a school shooting, wishing my student had just killed me. I walked out of the building with my life, all else was destroyed. Three years after the shooting, my church who could not accept who I was after the shooting, that I could not just serve the way I was being asked to, just be part of the team, not ask questions kicked me to the curb 11 days after an abdominal surgery. I could not heal and be who they expected me to be so I was told to shut my mouth and be exactly who they wanted me to be or leave. I left. I have been silent for 5 years, I gave up fighting, gave up talking, kept a gag order for a school district that does not care how I am and kept forgiving my student sometimes with each breathe I took as I fell into the pit. I have finally truly forgiven him, I finally understand what grace really is. I finally feel strong enough to talk and face criticism, I need to teach people how to forgive and that my student had value, worth and deserved to be grieved and loved. Is this what I want my life to look like, focusing on a cause people do not want to hear - no. But it is where God has led me and I need to keep trusting and following Him and have my needs met by Him even when it does not make sense. I have no idea why I just told you all this, but I am going to trust God knows. Please go to my blog and read the Franciscan benediction I posted last week under "Challenged to Shine." May He bring you many fellow travellers on your journey to support you. Kimberly


Stopped in to stand with you for a while.
Keep clawing.


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