I'm taking a break from packing to have a glass of wine at a nice place near where I live. Well, where I live for the moment. Come Tuesday I'll be in a whole different neighborhood.
I first came to this place when I was checking out the area, even before I was offered the job at the church. I think it was one of the things that attracted me to the whole thing, the idea that there was a wine bar in this sleepy little town. It's as if there was a little bit of elegance among the commuter parking lots, track house developments and farms.
I'm not here to be all meloncholy or nostalgic. I'm here because I wanted to savor a moment for the first time in months. This feels to me like the first good breath you take after having a bad cold for a week. It feels so good to do something you generally take for granted because it took so much effort just a little earlier.
I was thinking about the Sarah Groves song, Just Showed Up on my long drive home tonight (my LAST long drive home):
...I'm gonna live my life inspired
look for the Holy in the common place
open the windows and feel all that's honest and real
until I'm truly amazed.
I'm gonna feel all my emotions
I'm gonna look you in the eyes
I'm gonna listen and hear until it's finally clear
and it changes our lives...
I believe that I've had it with living in the future tense. Part of healing from all the grief of the last few years is to learn to find joy in the now. That's not going to come easily for someone who has spent so many years planning for every possible contingency, preparing for a life that has not cooperated. I think that I've learned all too well how to grieve. Life teaches you that as soon as you start paying attention. Now, I'd like to learn, or re-learn, how to celebrate. I believe that's what I've been called to do for now. Maybe just for tonight.
So a little jazz in the background, a basketball game on the TV and a damn fine zinfandel. Beats packing.